WOMAN NARROWLY ESCAPES SEVERE DOMESTIC ABUSE SITUATION

Tammy Curtis, Publisher

Editors Note:. 

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Each year, this media agency strives to promote awareness as well as information to help those who may be suffering at the hands of an intimate partner, whether male or female. 

We seek honest and local stories of survivors or those currently or recently in domestic abuse situations. These people tell their stories very candidly to educate others of the signs before they become involved in a dangerous relationship or to help them escape.

This year, we feature one of the most candid and arguably most emotional interviews to date. It is with a woman who has endured decades of every type of domestic abuse. She is finally on the path to recovery and obtaining a meaningful life with real aspirations for a viable future. The victim’s name has been changed to protect her, but her story is real, and all quotes are from the victim. Her story is not unique, but it is her story, and she only wishes it weren’t.  

Childhood 

To think that the darkest things a mind can imagine only happens in horror movies is very naive. 32-year-old Camille lived in a horror movie for decades. She finally found her way out of years of the most severe sexual, mental, and physical abuse one could imagine over a month ago. 

Sadly, Camille’s entire life was racked with abuse from those she should have been able to trust. Her mother, who had mental health issues, held her down as a six or seven-year-old child, allowing her cousins to sexually assault her. Her mother would also beat her. She had a bad relationship with her mother but was always close to her father. 

Formative years.

During her formative teen years, she lacked a trusting female figure and did not know a safe environment. At 13, tired of the abuse, she left her father and mother’s house and moved in with her uncle. This is where she was first introduced to cocaine. Her uncle soon moved out, and Camille was living on her own at the age of 14, selling cocaine to pay her bills. 

During this time, she was in a relationship with her high school sweetheart, where she remained for 12 years. She also became pregnant at a young age and suffered a miscarriage. 

The loss of her baby sent her down an even darker path, and she began using cocaine to deal with the loss as well as the years of abuse she had endured. This spiraled into a long history of drug addiction. “After that, I just started being pretty much addicted to every drug there was since I was about 14 until recently,” she explained.

Young adult years, loss of son and more abuse

When Camille was 23,  she and her high school sweetheart had a son who was born healthy after an emergency C-Section. This relationship, too, had turned to one of abuse. She painfully recalled an event that happened soon after.  “Two days after I brought my son home from the hospital, he came home drunk. I had folded the laundry up and left it in the laundry basket. I had a newborn baby, and I also had to bust and split firewood and all that stuff for the house. He came in and kicked me in my C-section scar, and I started bleeding everywhere. He left me like that for eight hours until he got up to go to work.”

She explained what she now realizes were some of the first signs of abuse by an intimate partner. “They make you feel good at first like you’re Superwoman, you know, you are the hottest thing around. And then they start pecking at you, kind of like chicken. It is like shooting an old BB gun into an old Buick. Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, and keeps on pinging until you hit the gas tank and you blow up.”  

The abuse continued until her baby’s father eventually took her son out of state. Since his father was an attorney and she had no money, she ultimately lost custody of him and hasn’t seen her son since he was two years old. She continued to spiral into addiction as a way to cover up the abuse and entered yet another darker period.

Prison and release

It was her addiction and failure to receive any counseling to overcome her childhood abuse that led to her spending three years in prison for petty theft after stealing a $2 box of Goodie powders while high on Xanax. She continually violated her probation and later, even her house arrest restrictions. Camille said she graduated from cosmetology school while incarcerated and had something to be proud of for the first time. 

That victory was short-lived, as her uncle picked her up when she was released with her ex-boyfriend in the vehicle. “As soon as I got out of prison, I ended up shooting up a pain pill in the parking lot, going back to my ex, because I didn’t have no one else to come pick me up, and my uncle came and brought him with him.  I was like, Oh, here we go. Yeah, I didn’t want to leave prison.”

Moving to Arkansas

Camille moved to Arkansas a few years ago with a man she had known since elementary school. She and Jim got back together after nearly 20 years, after he gave her a ride. At this time, Camille had just lost her father and her dog and was struggling with heroin addiction, but she had a glimmer of hope she might overcome it and somehow achieve a normal future.

But that was as short-lived as her other hopes. She said Jim always wanted her to dress up like she was much younger, like a child. He was a methamphetamine addict, and together, they were both in the deepest throes of addiction. 

An acquaintance and friend essentially rescued Camille. She is currently safe from her abuser but dealing with the aftermath of a life of extreme abuse.

A living hell

 “The last six months of my life have been nothing but hell … pretty much a living hell. I lived in a two-man tent out in the middle of nowhere, with no neighbors around, no cell phone service, no electricity, no running water. I had to carry water in five-gallon buckets uphill from a creek. That was some fun, and I am sure it was very sanitary,” she said, bowing her head shamefully in recollection.

If the living conditions weren’t enough, the horrific abuse she underwent during this time is something that could have quickly sent her to her grave. Her abuser left her alone each day as he left. She did not say where he went, but she was alone, and perhaps that time was the only peace she got from her abuser’s constant verbal and physical abuse. 

Camille had no phone or food and spent her days foraging through the woods for berries and other edible natural items to sustain her from starvation. Once, she recalled catching crawdads and boiling them over a wood fire for her and her dog. By this point in her life, she had lost all of her family and had no relatives with whom to connect—if she could. 

Few people knew of Camille and Jim’s living conditions, so they brought food from local food pantries. Her abuser would eat it and not allow her any, threatening to kill her or her dog if she did. She said she was starved for days to weeks at a time by him.

The abuse continued as he beat her often, kicked all but one of her teeth out, and even used extreme controlling tactics, like taking her eyeglasses from her so she couldn’t see.  During a storm in August, her abuser tied her to a tree for three or four days with no food or water. She said she didn’t know if she would ever escape or be freed to live through the experience. He eventually released her. 

She explained that methamphetamine made her abuser extremely mean, coupled with being a schizophrenic. He created things in his mind and, as most offenders do, accused her of cheating on him. 

Most would ask, why don’t you leave.? As with many abusers, the various abuse forms are also often accompanied by extreme control. Camille’s offender had her driver’s license, social security card, and anything else she needed to prove her identity or obtain employment. The abusers also have mentally beaten their victims down, many times making them think the abuse was their fault or that they were crazy. Jim did this to Camile and spent so much time convincing others that she beat herself up for attention. 

Her escape

When she was rescued by a person she had met who knew about her situation and had also suffered horrific abuse in her life, she saw the signs. Camille’s hair was deeply matted and had to be cut very short. “He would wrap his hands in my hair and jerk it and use it to hold me down while he beat me,” she explained nervously, pulling at her now clean, short hair.  Just before her rescue, she recalled Jim accusing her of talking to the trees and birds and trying to get the government to come after him. 

Once she was safe and able to spend the first night in a secure location, she was asked how she felt, “I felt safe. I could lie on a bed for once instead of laying on the tent floor with a dirty blanket, bugs, and everything around me. It didn’t feel like he was going to come in and start beating on me and stuff again,” she explained. “It just feels good to turn a light on and have warm water.” She admits she still awakens and checks the closet to make sure Jim is not in there, ready to harm her. 

Working for a future.

Camille is currently in the process of obtaining the documents vital to regaining her life. She has been sober since escaping her abuser. Camile did not experience withdrawal symptoms and is spending time reflecting on her life and reading her Bible. With no family or real friends, her rock bottom is now allowing her to build a new life from the darkness. She also enjoys meeting new people and attending a local church. “I am just now barely feeling comfortable being in my own skin,” she said shyly. She got the last tooth she had pulled and will soon be gaining her confidence when she gets dentures. 

Advice to other victims

Camille has been accepted into a cosmetology school after she obtains her identification records. She is, for the first time in her life, looking at even longer-term goals of going to college and obtaining a degree that would allow her to help women like herself who struggle with addiction and abuse. 

She said she wishes she had taken her grandfather’s advice early in her abuse-racked life and gone into the military. When asked what she would tell a woman in an abusive relationship, she said, “There is always a way out; anyone can change, no matter who or how bad you think you are, you can change. You just got to stick to it. You don’t fall back in.” She referred to going back to the abuser out of hopelessness. Camille also explained many times with addiction and abuse, the abuser’s “friends” are your only “friends.” She refers to these types of people as the ones who pull you back in as “Frenemies.”

Why don’t you just leave?

It is often difficult for someone who has not been in this type of situation to grasp the reality of it and why the victim doesn’t simply leave. Ask yourself this question. How?  

With no money, no vehicle, no family, only acquaintances who are also friends with the abuser,  an abuser who disables even the slightest chance by taking away of vital identification documents eyeglasses, and even ties you up for days to control you, starves you, makes you feel like it’s your fault you are in the situation through verbal abuse, not to mention having knocked out all of your teeth and the fear of being beaten to death if you try…How?  Does it sound so easy now?

Startling Statistics

Camille’s story is not unique. One out of four women will be abused in their lives by an intimate partner and one in six men. Statistics from various studies into the causes and effects of domestic violence on society prove that women will try to leave an average of seven times before they end the relationship.

The term ‘trauma bond’ is also known as Stockholm Syndrome, describes a deep bond that forms between a victim and their abuser. Victims of abuse often develop a strong sense of loyalty toward their abuser, even though the bond is damaging to them. Many times, having children, promises of change, and not wishing to disrupt a child’s life are among the other reasons victims remain with their abuser. 

Domestic violence affects people of all genders, sexualities, ethnicities, and backgrounds. 

According to data from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, about 20 people per minute experience physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner – that’s more than 10 million Americans every year.

This violent behavior not only impacts victims directly but also has severe repercussions on families and communities as a whole: those affected may struggle to maintain employment or housing; children exposed to domestic violence are more likely to suffer from behavioral problems; and communities with high rates of such abuse often experience higher-than-average levels of crime. Unfortunately, due to its secretive nature and prevalence among all socioeconomic classes, domestic violence remains largely unrecognized and untreated across the nation.

If you are someone you know are in abusive relationship, there are local resources available to help. In Sharp County, the Safe Night Ministries, offers help and referrals as well as a shelter, call (870) 955-5000.

There is also a National Domestic Violence helpline available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-800-799-7233.